Looking for love? Here's how to get rid of yourself

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first come, first served: a good reason to be single is obvious and completely right: you want to be! But a 2017 brain statistics report showed that more than 49 million Americans are trying to find love through online dating. Perhaps more significantly, in the 2017 zoosk survey, more than half of the participants admitted that they wanted to discuss marriage six months later. In other words, there are many fish in the sea, and many of them want long-term love. But it's not as easy as dating someone you know online. If you want to have a romantic partner, but your only "date night" involves you and Netflix, some reflection, hard work and behavioral change can go far. The following factors can help explain why you're single longer than you think and put you on the path of pairing. Credit: Photos / iStock / gettyimages

1. Pay attention to what you love. It's true that it's important to love yourself first. While you don't need to pursue zero insecurity (which is even possible), understanding your values can enhance your life and make it much easier to find love, says Mara martensen, a matchmaker and dating coach in Los Angeles. "When you're satisfied with yourself, people want you around," she said. Some ways to improve self-esteem include pursuing a fulfilling job or hobby, eating well, managing stress, staying active, focusing on your strengths, and seeking support from friends or therapists.

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2. Stop obsessing about finding "the one"

when you're looking for love, it helps to set romantic intentions and place yourself in them. But if you're more focused on finding the "person" than making yourself the person you want to be (and the partner), you may be able to bridge the gap in dating before the relationship has a chance to start. Because no one thinks they're just a trophy hunt. Your ultimate partner should feel that you love them because of who they are, not just a warm body that can sleep next to them. "

" an honest self analysis can be very effective and can make some amazing changes in the people you attract, "said Irene Tillman, a Los Angeles dating licensing coach and author of the consent guide. She suggests asking yourself what you can do as an individual to strengthen yourself, such as in class or on a trip, to help you shift your focus from finding the right partner to becoming the right one. Partner. Now listen to me: why America's obsession with "happiness" makes us feel under pressure.

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4.; have patience and perseverance. It's a good thing to be enthusiastic, but it can be bad for you to focus on the future rather than the present and understand potential partners. " "Sometimes, when we really want something, we inadvertently sabotage or hurt our chances of getting it," dating coach Irene Tillman said. If you find yourself skipping a few steps, take a deep breath and turn your attention away. Ask your date real questions that have nothing to do with the shared future or their everything: what are their hobbies? Where did they grow up? What is their favorite movie, book or band? When you're browsing online, think, "I wonder if we can have a good night?" No, "Hey, this is my forever partner!" There are standards, but don't be too picky. If the list of things you must have in a partner is endless, it's time to rethink your priorities. Although it's reasonable for everyone to have factors that can't be negotiated, such as being single and living in the same state, from height, weight, eye color to income level, all these factors can make you forget that one may be the love in your life. A basic wish list is OK, as long as you avoid superficial details, "said Marla martensen, a dating coach. "Go out of the box and date someone who doesn't have a sign on every box," she said. You may be surprised at what happened. "

Credit: spa> apichongidt / iStock / getyignons H3> 6. Work to overcome social anxiety. About 15 million Americans experience social anxiety disorders, according to the American Association for anxiety and depression. Its symptoms - intense anxiety or fear of being negatively evaluated, judged or rejected in performance or social situations - can make dating challenging. However, living in anxiety doesn't make you "unreliable" or make your partner less good. You bring something else to a relationship, such as a love and a high degree of compassion. And your symptoms don't have to be on the show. If you or a potential date experiences social anxiety, maintain open communication and find ways to get to know each other in a comfortable environment - such as a quiet picnic rather than a crowded party. Or you may need to seek the therapist's support.


7.; identify potential fear of intimacy.

i.e.It's not uncommon for you to be afraid of intimacy when you want a partner. Melissa divaris Thompson, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City, said the fear could come from past relationships, real or imagined experiences. Signs may include avoidance of contact, unstable relationship patterns, inferiority, isolation and difficulty in expressing one's feelings. "[if] you've ever been abandoned, broken up or abandoned, you may have this fear," she said. Not being vulnerable may make others wonder if you're hiding something, or you may not trust them enough to see your vulnerability. She suggested that these problems be solved through treatment. You can also try to share or keep a diary with someone you love.

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9. Don't compare yourself with others.

it's easy to scroll through all engagement, anniversary and pregnancy notices on social media, feeling like you're lagging behind in life's competition. When this comparison becomes routine, you may be tempted to adapt to the next person you date. "

" when we compare ourselves to others, it may prevent us from remembering our true identity and the gifts we bring, "she said. And the partner you really want. So, when you work hard for yourself to date with realistic expectations, remember that you are worthy of love, no matter where you are on your journey. It's likely that the right people will see the beauty of the work you're doing, just as you will see the beauty of their work.

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What do you think? Are you single? What do you like about being single? What do you expect from love? What do you think is holding you back? Please let us know in the comments!

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